Good morning and happy April Fools Day! It’s the one day of the year when you can’t trust anything you read… except this newsletter (probably). Reading the headline, I wouldn’t blame you for thinking one of them was fake. Grab your coffee, keep your guard up, and let’s dive in.

International

Massive earthquake has “overwhelmed” Myanmar’s health system

It’s the worst earthquake to hit the nation’s second largest city. The death toll has risen to over 2,000 after a 7.7 magnitude earthquake struck Myanmar on Friday, “overwhelming” hospitals amid continuing search and rescue efforts.

The disaster hits as Myanmar, one of Southeast Asia’s poorest nations, continues to grapple with a years-long civil war following a 2021 coup, with the military government tightly restricting foreign aid after the tragedy.

Widespread destruction

The devastating earthquake struck Mandalay, Myanmar’s second-largest city (see map), toppling bridges, damaging historic landmarks—including the former Royal Palace—and knocking out power lines.

• Geologist Jess Phoenix told CNN the quake’s force, which demolished buildings in seconds, to be equivalent to “334 atomic bombs.”

• Viral videos went on to show the effects first-hand, including one of a couple narrowly escaping a penthouse pool (watch here).

The quake’s effects were felt more than 600 miles away in Bangkok, Thailand's capital, where at least 20 have died and rescue efforts continue for 74 construction workers trapped under a skyscraper that collapsed due to the powerful shockwaves (watch video).

It could persist for months: The quake started as the Indian and Eurasian tectonic plates rubbed sideways against each other, which is known as a “strike-slip,” along the Sagaing fault line. The crashing of the plates, which is occurring six miles underground, could continue for months, according to the US Geological Survey (see breakdown).

What about the rescue efforts?

The UN said the quake worsened “an already dire crisis” in Myanmar, which is amid an ongoing civil war and has heavily limited foreign assistance. Amid the death and destruction, airstrikes on pro-democracy rebel groups are still being launched by Myanmar's military leaders, per BBC.

• The nation’s military junta said the country will hold a minute's silence on Tuesday for the victims.

Additionally, the majority of rescue workers haven’t been able to reach the most affected areas, as badly damaged roads and disrupted communications prevent immediate access.

• The military government there says the number of people killed has now risen to 2,056, with more than 3,000 injured and a large number still buried alive.

• The USGS estimated the number of deaths could eventually reach 10,000.

There is hope: Aid workers are utilizing AI and satellite technology supplied by Microsoft and Planet Labs to help pinpoint critical locations and get a broader report of the damage, hopefully speeding up the rescue process.

Crime

Train robberies have made a comeback in the US

We might as well bring back lassos and bundles of dynamite. Robbers seem to be taking a page out of the Wild West book of crime as there were over 65,000 train hesits in the US last year, 40% more than the year before.

Cargo criminals

While many thought train robbing was a thing of the past, it looks like some still haven’t given up on their dream of being an old-school outlaw. There’s been such a dramatic spike that the Department of Homeland Security estimated cargo theft accounts for anywhere between $15 and $35 billion in annual losses.

An unlikely victim: It seems criminals are taking “Just Do It” a little too seriously, as Nike sneakers have emerged as the main target among train robbers, with consumer tech, like smartwatches and laptops, coming in at a close second.

• Nike was involved in 90% of thefts that targeted Warren Buffett-owned BNSF trains in the Mojave Desert during the past year.

The art of train heists

While robbing a train may sound like a complex endeavor, it’s not as hard as one might think… especially if you’ve seen that one episode of Breaking Bad.

So, how do they do it? Authorities suspect that the robbers find premium shipments by gathering intel from warehouse employees or simply by looking for visible container locks. Once a target is selected, they employ one of two primary methods:

1. Sabotaging air hoses to force an emergency stop.

2. Waiting for a scheduled break at a remote location.

From there, they quickly transfer the stolen goods into waiting vehicles or hide them near the tracks so they can be grabbed later on.

Thieves rarely get caught in the act: Cargo containers can be positioned up to three miles behind the locomotive, so conductors rarely know they’re being robbed. Additonally, with over 140,000 miles of railway spanning the country, securing every stretch of track would prove to be immensely difficult (to put it mildly).

Science

Archeologists find Iron Age hoard that could change Britain’s history

I think that finding dinosaur footprints is more exciting, but that’s just me. Archaeologists in Northern Britain have made a “once-in-a-lifetime discovery”—a cache of Iron Age artifacts that could rewrite the nation’s history.

Rich findings

The “unprecedented” group contains almost 800 objects, including two cauldrons, decorative wine mixing bowls, 14 elaborate horse harnesses, ceremonial spears, and rare pieces of chariots that are said to have been buried some 2,000 years ago.

• However, most of the items were burned or destroyed before being buried.

First discovered by metal detectorist Peter Heads in 2021 at a site known as Melsonby Hoard, the nature and scale of the items were “unusual,” according to Duncan Wilson, chief executive of Historic England.

Why “unusual?”

Archeologists later found that the artifacts were disfigured on purpose by British elites, supposedly as a show of power and wealth. Along with the sheer scope of the artifacts, the discovery implies that the elites of northern Britain were more wealthy and capable of accessing European trade networks than originally thought.

That’s a big deal:

• There is now concrete proof that the people of England had trading connections through the continent and with the growing Roman Empire.

• Additonally, Iron Age experts now have evidence that four-wheel wagons and two-wheel chariots were available to Iron Age Englishmen over 2,000 years ago.

It goes deeper: Further analysis suggests that the craftsmanship of some artifacts points to trade connections extending as far as the Mediterranean. The discovery is expected to keep historians busy for years, reshaping their understanding of Britain’s Iron Age history.

Grab Bag

Musk-Musk merger paves the way for success

A Musk to Musk merger doesn’t exactly sound tech-related. Elon Musk revealed on Friday that his social media network, X, would be acquired by his artificial intelligence company, xAI, at a valuation of $33 billion, paving the way for xAI to become a leading AI lab.

Bringing assets together

The deal gives the new combined entity, called XAI Holdings, a value of more than $100 billion, according to an anonymous source obtained by Bloomberg.

The acquisition streamlines the relationship between Musk’s two businesses and is the final evolution of his attempts to use X as a data source for training large language models (see overview).

• While Musk has long used X to train xAI’s models, the merger could give Grok, xAI’s most notable model, a “unique advantage,” Shweta Khajuria, a Wolfe Research analyst, told Bloomberg.

• xAI will now be able to control the huge amounts of training data to other companies while also giving Grok unfettered access to it.

xAI is going all in: In just seven months, the company reportedly gathered 200,000 AI-specific processors and swiftly constructed a server farm outside Memphis, Tennessee, devoted to training its AI models.

X is on the come up too: The platform formerly known as Twitter is estimated to have its first year of advertising revenue growth since Musk took over, with projected global ad sales to be $2.26 billion this year, up 16.5%.

Florida may be the first state to get rid of property taxes

Golf courses and retirement homes must really be pulling their weight. Officials in Florida, one of the tax-friendliest states in the US, have proposed a multitude of bills in the past month aimed at lowering property tax, including one that could abolish it entirely.

Property payments

Mostly everyone can get behind not paying more taxes, especially when property values have soared like they have in the Sunshine State. The median property tax payment in Jacksonville and Tampa spiked roughly 60% between 2019 and 2024, according to Redfin.

• By contrast, the median property tax increased by 23.6% between 2019 and 2023 throughout the rest of the country.

Now it makes sense that lawmakers would propose bills to get rid of property tax, but where would Florida make up for the lost dollars? Sales tax is the likely target:

• To compensate for property tax losses, the Florida Policy Institute estimates that the state's sales tax would have to double (at the minimum) to 12%.

• Florida could also push budget cuts to free up some extra funding.

While it sounds like a good idea on paper… property tax accounts for too much of Flordia’s revenue, especially since the state doesn’t have an income tax: 18% of county revenue, 17% of city/town revenue, and 50%-60% of school district funding come from property taxes.

The billion dollar question: State legislators have introduced a ton of bills on alternatives like the aformentioned sales tax hikes or budget cuts, however, Gov. Ron DeSantis wants a constitutional amendment on the ballot, meaning voters would need to approve it by at least 60% and property taxes would be a relic of the past.

Fast Facts

Mars Mission: NASA’s Curiosity Mars rover has detected the largest chain of carbon molecules ever found on the red planet, which are key for forming life on Earth.

Ugly Mug: Over ten years after being voted the “Ugliest Animal Alive” in a public vote, an environmental nonprofit awarded the blobfish New Zealand’s fish of the year.

Economic Energy: China is planning to provide four of the biggest banks in the nation with $72 billion in capital as Beijing continues to attempt to bring back its struggling economy.

Awful Art: An Ohio woman paid $2.99 at a nearby Goodwill for what she called an "awful painting." It turned out to be a work by renowned impressionist Johann Berthelsen and sold for $2,875 at auction.

Family Friendly: As part of its turnaround strategy, Hooters intends to stop hosting "bikini night" and make its eateries more family-friendly, according to Bloomberg.